Hurricane Ophelia And HELP!

It looks like Ophelia is going to smash right into the outer banks of North Carolina with full force, top notch, hurricane winds, and we here (AT SEA LEVEL!) in the Norfolk, Virginia area will perhaps catch some tropical storm poo, and Peter Pan winds. Or we may all be killed.

Now, before we type another word......... ok, just now then, I think the President should learn from his mistakes in New Orleans and send us the dough now. Lets start off with a Billion, see how things go, and then we'll call for more, as needed. If the electricity goes out, we'll call on the cell phone, ok?

Here in Norfolk, at sea level, and with a number of neighborhoods below sea level, we should start pumping out the water to Lake Pontchartrain right away, to avoid any signaling to the federal government that we ain't trying our best. I realize that lake is down in New Orleans, but we don't have a nice big lake like that up here, so could we borrow yours?

Also there's no water here in Norfolk yet, but we could be minutes away from the rooftop boogie. Better send another Billion while I'm thinking of it. That's only two bill and that's not real money yet, so quit your yapping. We're talking about the citizens of Norfolk, Virginia; perhaps the finest city between the North Carolina border and Newport News, and we must be saved!

You've been warned. Don't fool with this hurricane. Also besides the money, we would like some boats, gum, $2,000 debit cards, wine and beer, cheese and crackers, and maybe some board games in case the electricity goes out.

For God's sake, don't leave Norfolk to float away in this crisis (besides, we could float over to Virginia Beach, and that would be a bad M...)

Thanks. And I'll wait here for the check.

Joe