Einstein On Pay Toilets

It was revealed today, for the first time, that noted physicist and philosopher Albert Einstein installed a pay toilet in his home in 1951. During his lifetime, Einstein entertained many notables in the arts and sciences. One day, while plunging some shit out of his toilet, he discovered that many of his guests had figured out how to jerry rig it to make long distance phone calls. Al called the first person he could think of, J.P. Getty, who already had a pay stall in his house, for advice. Getty told Einstein he didn't know how people could make phone calls through a toilet and slammed down the receiver, flush with excitement that a genius had called him.

This was a rather odd occurrence, in that Einstein had only the finest people as guests in his house during this time. People like Bunny Wilson, Abe Vigoda, Dorothy Kilgallen and even posher folks like Zsa Zsu Pitts and Tallulah Bankhead (who would sit on the toilet in his study and regale him for hours about the seedier side of show business) would stay weekends and even longer, if they couldn't get a cab. So the great scientist was befuddled by all this.

Once the workmen installed the toilet and word sprawled like a fine disease that can only be spread by such talk, Einstein's house became less of a salon for the chichi, and more a place to have a picnic lunch, as the poorer folks closer in town would come around with their dimes in hand and baskets filled with food. Al would stand with a stopwatch, making certain that no one tarried in their duty.

He realized that this action had cost him the friendships of many who he treasured. But he also knew that sometimes doing the right thing can bring unforeseen consequences. Einstein spent the rest of his life trying to figure out how to call long distance through a toilet.

Joe