President Bush To Be Put Asleep

Dick Cheney will take over the presidency for a few hours today as President Bush will be put to sleep for his weekly colonoscopy. How anyone will be able to tell the difference about any of the above is inconclusive.

This colonoscopy will be a little more invasive than the last few the president has enjoyed so much. The doctors plan to stick the steel rod used for the procedure all the way up, as far as it will go, simply to see how much actual shit the president contains.

The colonoscopy guys have said they expect loads.

Meanwhile, back at the White House, President Cheney will attack Iran, Syria, North Korea...and Israel for good measure. He hates Jews, and figures to get them while he wipes out the rest of our enemies. Dick never saw "The Godfather", and perhaps doesn't realize what unexpected effects "wiping out one's enemies" can have.

But that's Dick!

And today, we'll have a final diagnoses of just how much shit George Bush is holding. Also, if they can't get the steel rod out after the procedure, the doctors plan to stuff it up more, closer to the brain to check on them.

Joe Postove