Airplane Shenanigans
We came pretty close to tragedy on Christmas Day when Hassan Barbara Fink nearly blew down a plane over Detroit. I used three names from our three major religions, so that you would understand that we have to be liberal at this time, and I forgot the guys name anyway.
Now, I ain't saying, but would a bomb blast in downtown Detroit have been page one? I mean how do you tell the newly bombed out sections from the old ones? I would't want anyone to get killed or even hurt, but maybe this guy could have done a public service by clearing more of Mo-Town for urban renewal.
I don't really want that. It was just a sick nightmare that I wrote here on the blog. Call a cop, if you think it'll help. Thank God everyone got down safely and that we caught the miscreant. He's in a federal pen now, awaiting indictment, which should come sometime this century.
Now the bigger question, and President Obama was right on top of it today in a news conference held at his hideaway at the Hawaii Motel 6. I didn't hear it, but I did hear the news capsule of it "more diligence, and lasers, and full body cavity searches, and blah de blah, more money and we're on top of it". And I think he was pissed that he wasn't on the plane to prevent it himself. That was the jist of it anyway.
Perhaps now the time has come for us to put away the childish things of youth, and get this wagon train rolling with some REAL national security. Ladies, we cannot afford to fuck around anymore. We need a total revision of airline and airport security, and I think my plan is the only one worth considering (unless you have a better one, then we'll take a look at that at next week's pick-nik for former homosexuals).
Flying will from now on become less a way to travel than a method to show your patriotism to our homeland. When you get to the airport, men and women will be divided into two sections (the groups, not the individuals, you simp). Once the sexes are in an enclosed place, they will be requested by our boys with machine guns to disrobe, put all of your stuff (panties, jockstaps, brassieres, neckties, balloon pants, and simple pantaloons, hats) and all other clothing into a garbage bag (don't forget your twist ties folks...the government is NOT responsible for twist ties) mark it with your magic marker, and toss it into the communal hole.
Then, you will be given a very comfortable airplane suit made of cotton and left over wool from last year's sheep shearing to wear during the flight.
DO NOT BE AFRAID! DO NOT BE AFRAID!
Although the suits will not have any kind of zippers or buttons (for #1 or #2) this is for your own protection. A madman could, at anytime, stick a bomb in his airplane suit, and then, if he had a zipper, could take it out mid-flight and wreck all our plans. If during the flight you need to go, then a trained nurse will take you to a bomb proof section of the plane, whereupon, you will be able to pee pee, or move your bowels as much as you want. Please don't forget your dime! Afterwards, a trained intern will, uh, clean you (we cannot allow you to put your hands where we can't see them, so that's why the intern will have to wipe you, in case it's a #2....#1's, unless you are a leaker require no further aid). Then you put your cool airplane threads back on, and enjoy the rest of the flight.
This is the future of air travel. It could be worse. Give me some time to think how, huh?
Joe Postove
Now, I ain't saying, but would a bomb blast in downtown Detroit have been page one? I mean how do you tell the newly bombed out sections from the old ones? I would't want anyone to get killed or even hurt, but maybe this guy could have done a public service by clearing more of Mo-Town for urban renewal.
I don't really want that. It was just a sick nightmare that I wrote here on the blog. Call a cop, if you think it'll help. Thank God everyone got down safely and that we caught the miscreant. He's in a federal pen now, awaiting indictment, which should come sometime this century.
Now the bigger question, and President Obama was right on top of it today in a news conference held at his hideaway at the Hawaii Motel 6. I didn't hear it, but I did hear the news capsule of it "more diligence, and lasers, and full body cavity searches, and blah de blah, more money and we're on top of it". And I think he was pissed that he wasn't on the plane to prevent it himself. That was the jist of it anyway.
Perhaps now the time has come for us to put away the childish things of youth, and get this wagon train rolling with some REAL national security. Ladies, we cannot afford to fuck around anymore. We need a total revision of airline and airport security, and I think my plan is the only one worth considering (unless you have a better one, then we'll take a look at that at next week's pick-nik for former homosexuals).
Flying will from now on become less a way to travel than a method to show your patriotism to our homeland. When you get to the airport, men and women will be divided into two sections (the groups, not the individuals, you simp). Once the sexes are in an enclosed place, they will be requested by our boys with machine guns to disrobe, put all of your stuff (panties, jockstaps, brassieres, neckties, balloon pants, and simple pantaloons, hats) and all other clothing into a garbage bag (don't forget your twist ties folks...the government is NOT responsible for twist ties) mark it with your magic marker, and toss it into the communal hole.
Then, you will be given a very comfortable airplane suit made of cotton and left over wool from last year's sheep shearing to wear during the flight.
DO NOT BE AFRAID! DO NOT BE AFRAID!
Although the suits will not have any kind of zippers or buttons (for #1 or #2) this is for your own protection. A madman could, at anytime, stick a bomb in his airplane suit, and then, if he had a zipper, could take it out mid-flight and wreck all our plans. If during the flight you need to go, then a trained nurse will take you to a bomb proof section of the plane, whereupon, you will be able to pee pee, or move your bowels as much as you want. Please don't forget your dime! Afterwards, a trained intern will, uh, clean you (we cannot allow you to put your hands where we can't see them, so that's why the intern will have to wipe you, in case it's a #2....#1's, unless you are a leaker require no further aid). Then you put your cool airplane threads back on, and enjoy the rest of the flight.
This is the future of air travel. It could be worse. Give me some time to think how, huh?
Joe Postove
posted by Mr. Liberty at 1:09 PM
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