Eats
Congress failed to pass the Child Nutrition Bill last week, and once again we have saved our kids from the tyranny of the federal lunch lady. Learning to eat (which was not at all hard for me) is something Mom teaches you when you're a baby, and should monitor at least until you're six or seven, when you start trading your peanut butter sandwiches for Hostess' Ho's and Clark Bars. Can't we keep the federal government out of this most important aspects of growing up, filling your belly with goodies and getting fat. We all go through it, and the government should keep its hands off our jelly-bellies.
I was on a diet starting at the age of six until I could diet no more, sweety. Look at photos of me before I turned 6 and I was some gorgeous babe. Then at six, like right there when the buzzer went off in the kitchen (I had asked Mom to set the thing so I would know the exact time I turned half a dozen) I went into a diabetic slumber. Little did I know then, that I was born at 3:30 in the morning, the time I slid out of my Mom's birth canal and into the arms of the doctor, who beat the shit out of me. At least it felt like it at the time.
But at six years old, my Dad decided I should have my head almost completely shaved (maybe to ward off those Beatles) I started to gain weight, and Dr. Jerome put me on diet pills (I ate them with Jello..J-e-l-l-o) which made me insane. I was shaking my head like a dervish because the pills were too much for my fat little, sweet, boy body. And not long after that, I think when I was eight(!) I got braces, which I hung onto for five years. I was a mess. See how you get to be a mess at 53? Be a mess a six. It works out pretty nice.
But what about kids eating junk food at school. I'll make the NEA a deal, get the junk education out of the schools, and then maybe we can pull some of the chocolate cherries out of the vending machines.
Oh, boy! When I was in school, the vending machines were full of what every boy and girl should have to have a roundy body and every now and then diabetic comas. We had the cherries, peanut butter candy (what is that..it pulls your fillings out, Yoo-Hoo, M&M's, Chunkies, and candy and mess so good and sweet and godly that going to school wasn't so bad). Lots of us kids didn't eat a full breakfast of Count Chockula, and Tab, so that we could gorge on vending munching munch. And then after school, we would go to 7/11 and, well man, I'll tell you this, I thought, at the age of 10, I was getting high on the grease and good grub only a 7/11 has.
I miss those days. How about some Mary-Jane's. I'll send you some teeth.
Now, government, listen up. I want you out of the bedroom, lunchroom, tearoom, bathroom, carport, little plastic pools, my gallows, and anything else that impinges on the rights of me or my children (if God should ever figure a way to get me pregnant...and NOT LIKE THAT!
Joe
I was on a diet starting at the age of six until I could diet no more, sweety. Look at photos of me before I turned 6 and I was some gorgeous babe. Then at six, like right there when the buzzer went off in the kitchen (I had asked Mom to set the thing so I would know the exact time I turned half a dozen) I went into a diabetic slumber. Little did I know then, that I was born at 3:30 in the morning, the time I slid out of my Mom's birth canal and into the arms of the doctor, who beat the shit out of me. At least it felt like it at the time.
But at six years old, my Dad decided I should have my head almost completely shaved (maybe to ward off those Beatles) I started to gain weight, and Dr. Jerome put me on diet pills (I ate them with Jello..J-e-l-l-o) which made me insane. I was shaking my head like a dervish because the pills were too much for my fat little, sweet, boy body. And not long after that, I think when I was eight(!) I got braces, which I hung onto for five years. I was a mess. See how you get to be a mess at 53? Be a mess a six. It works out pretty nice.
But what about kids eating junk food at school. I'll make the NEA a deal, get the junk education out of the schools, and then maybe we can pull some of the chocolate cherries out of the vending machines.
Oh, boy! When I was in school, the vending machines were full of what every boy and girl should have to have a roundy body and every now and then diabetic comas. We had the cherries, peanut butter candy (what is that..it pulls your fillings out, Yoo-Hoo, M&M's, Chunkies, and candy and mess so good and sweet and godly that going to school wasn't so bad). Lots of us kids didn't eat a full breakfast of Count Chockula, and Tab, so that we could gorge on vending munching munch. And then after school, we would go to 7/11 and, well man, I'll tell you this, I thought, at the age of 10, I was getting high on the grease and good grub only a 7/11 has.
I miss those days. How about some Mary-Jane's. I'll send you some teeth.
Now, government, listen up. I want you out of the bedroom, lunchroom, tearoom, bathroom, carport, little plastic pools, my gallows, and anything else that impinges on the rights of me or my children (if God should ever figure a way to get me pregnant...and NOT LIKE THAT!
Joe
posted by Mr. Liberty at 1:24 PM
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