Hurricane Earl
Hurricane Earl is baring down on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and may give we here in the south eastern quadrant of Virginia a twirl for our money.
But that's not why I'm writing. I found mustard stains in THREE of my pay toilets downtown this morning. When I changed the rule about snacking while plop ploping, I expected those who did eat while shitting to take it easy and be neat and clean.
I don't want to come down hard on you ladies and gents who patronize my business. I'm so grateful, I'm on my knees here, and begging for more business whenever you need to go a one and a two. But we gotta keep it clean, men! I have never discriminated against all of the different types of people (trans, regular, gay, Jewish, crippled, and so on) and therefor have always expected you guys to keep it clean in the toilets while eating a hot dog, hamburger, malted milk, easy bake oven goods, and other assorted goodies from our chuck-wagon.
But for God's sake! I came to open up this morning, and found not only the mustard stains, but boogers, spilled milk, banana pudding (gee...I think that was banana pudding) and left over wieners and hamburgers all over the place. One of my workers even slipped on a piece of I don't know what it was, and hurt her back. While riding with her in the ambulance to the hospital, I promised, that if she should die, I would take care of her seven kids. I would, but I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to raise them. And, look folks, is a pay toilet the right kind of atmosphere for children? Even though we do have two pay stalls for the kiddies on Saturday mornings. It's built like a merry-go-round and the kids can slide off whenever they're done. But we don't like them hanging around. Especially near the hermaphrodite stalls. They wouldn't understand, and if you guys keep messing up the stalls and I gotta keep cleaning them, I won't have time to explain all this crap to them. So, please, have mercy on my soul and body, and I hope to wake up tomorrow morning.
I forgot. If Earl sweeps into Norfolk, and knocks down our pee pens, I have gotten permission from the Chief Of Police for you to pee and shit in the river.
Have a nice weekend.
Joey
But that's not why I'm writing. I found mustard stains in THREE of my pay toilets downtown this morning. When I changed the rule about snacking while plop ploping, I expected those who did eat while shitting to take it easy and be neat and clean.
I don't want to come down hard on you ladies and gents who patronize my business. I'm so grateful, I'm on my knees here, and begging for more business whenever you need to go a one and a two. But we gotta keep it clean, men! I have never discriminated against all of the different types of people (trans, regular, gay, Jewish, crippled, and so on) and therefor have always expected you guys to keep it clean in the toilets while eating a hot dog, hamburger, malted milk, easy bake oven goods, and other assorted goodies from our chuck-wagon.
But for God's sake! I came to open up this morning, and found not only the mustard stains, but boogers, spilled milk, banana pudding (gee...I think that was banana pudding) and left over wieners and hamburgers all over the place. One of my workers even slipped on a piece of I don't know what it was, and hurt her back. While riding with her in the ambulance to the hospital, I promised, that if she should die, I would take care of her seven kids. I would, but I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to raise them. And, look folks, is a pay toilet the right kind of atmosphere for children? Even though we do have two pay stalls for the kiddies on Saturday mornings. It's built like a merry-go-round and the kids can slide off whenever they're done. But we don't like them hanging around. Especially near the hermaphrodite stalls. They wouldn't understand, and if you guys keep messing up the stalls and I gotta keep cleaning them, I won't have time to explain all this crap to them. So, please, have mercy on my soul and body, and I hope to wake up tomorrow morning.
I forgot. If Earl sweeps into Norfolk, and knocks down our pee pens, I have gotten permission from the Chief Of Police for you to pee and shit in the river.
Have a nice weekend.
Joey
posted by Mr. Liberty at 12:14 PM
2 Comments:
Couldn't you just spend an extra couple hundred dollars and nail those down with railroad spikes for security?
I wonder how many phone calls you'll get when they end up landing in Kansas?
Railroad spikes! For goodness sake, Phil, it's hard enough to get my hair to spike just right in the morning.
Railroad spikes! If only God still made them up in Heaven!
Lil' Joey
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