No One Loves A Fat Man Except His Grocer And His Tailor
The above was a test of the Emergency Blog Arena Football System. I wrote it, like I would write "free food" to test how many millions of you good folks would respond if a fat guy wore a jump suit to a wedding. Now to today's blog.
It seems like all of the soap operas are going away, except mine. Next Thursday, I report to my Doctor, Ron Popeil, and will have the surgery done in his back room. Doctor Popeil, many of you will remember was the inventor of the pocket skin cancer scraper. Dr. Popeil and I will bend over the sink where he does his laundry, and he will scrape the cancer off my nose, in a flash, for just $19.99 (plus tax, except in Texas).
I'm not too worried. Ron has had lots of famous patients in the past (the Joker, Two Face, Nixon, Popeye and many more) and is quite good at what he does. When I figure out what that is, I will post it here, on the blog, after I stop bleeding. He also cuts hair and does circumcision, of both I will also partake. And why not? I need a haircut (not too much on top) and my Rabbi checked all the boys last week, and said I'm not Jewish enough. Gotta do what the Pope says, ladies.
During the surgery (for real now, dudes) the doctor will scrape a little of the bump off of my nose, until they don't see anymore cancer in the laboratory. Then he'll take a little skin from my "smileline" and use that to plug up the hole he made with his pocket cancer knife. I could have saved everyone time by not getting the cancer in the first place! But I wanted to meet Ron Popeil anyway, and he won't come out of his room unless you have something. Did I do wrong?
I'll probably be back here on the blog once or twice before the squeezin' begins on Thursday. After that, it depends on how I look. If I get a Robert Taylor, I'll be back in the ring right away. If its a Larry Fine, I'll be in my apartment, looking out of Art Linkletter's old favorite window.
Updates, as they exist.
It seems like all of the soap operas are going away, except mine. Next Thursday, I report to my Doctor, Ron Popeil, and will have the surgery done in his back room. Doctor Popeil, many of you will remember was the inventor of the pocket skin cancer scraper. Dr. Popeil and I will bend over the sink where he does his laundry, and he will scrape the cancer off my nose, in a flash, for just $19.99 (plus tax, except in Texas).
I'm not too worried. Ron has had lots of famous patients in the past (the Joker, Two Face, Nixon, Popeye and many more) and is quite good at what he does. When I figure out what that is, I will post it here, on the blog, after I stop bleeding. He also cuts hair and does circumcision, of both I will also partake. And why not? I need a haircut (not too much on top) and my Rabbi checked all the boys last week, and said I'm not Jewish enough. Gotta do what the Pope says, ladies.
During the surgery (for real now, dudes) the doctor will scrape a little of the bump off of my nose, until they don't see anymore cancer in the laboratory. Then he'll take a little skin from my "smileline" and use that to plug up the hole he made with his pocket cancer knife. I could have saved everyone time by not getting the cancer in the first place! But I wanted to meet Ron Popeil anyway, and he won't come out of his room unless you have something. Did I do wrong?
I'll probably be back here on the blog once or twice before the squeezin' begins on Thursday. After that, it depends on how I look. If I get a Robert Taylor, I'll be back in the ring right away. If its a Larry Fine, I'll be in my apartment, looking out of Art Linkletter's old favorite window.
Updates, as they exist.
posted by Mr. Liberty at 9:41 AM
2 Comments:
And here I've been upset because the cable guy keeps showing up at the wrong address. I live at 'Place' not 'Drive!' I tell them.
The elderly couple at 'Drive' must be enjoying the playboy channel and downloading child porn 1000 times faster billed to me.
Do you suppose Dr. Popeil could run a cable out his back room for me across state lines, Joe?
Hopefully this has increased the size of your smileline.
Holler if you need anything.
~phil
I NEED $1,000,000, PHIL.
And a haircut.
Thanks, pal:>)
PS...Dr Popeil does not cross state lines. he stays in Norfolk because of the convience of my Pay Toilets, which are right downstairs from the sink where he does most of his surgery.
I don't know if I'll get to a computer before Thursday's cuttin'. But if you here anyone say "ouch" on the Mutual Broadcasting System, it's me.
See ya, Phil.
Joey
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