Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Family Time

I have kin coming in this weekend, so you're going to have to find another pay toilet to pee and shit in. I know, I know, you have become used to my high quality stalls, and the alternatives (river, behind car doors, 7/11 cups, low quality pay toilets, like the ones made out of cigar boxes, and other assorted peepee and plop plop stations). I do sympathize with you and urine.

But I haven't seen my cousin in a couple of years, and if I had to man the toilets over the weekend, I wouldn't get to spend good times with family. And as you all know, I am a family man first. Except for those who are waiting for me to die and run off with my pay toilet empire. Girls, I have the biggest operation of dime pis, and fifteen cent plop stations in the southeastern quadrant of Virginia. And I can't give that up by letting some others watch them. Remember that old Haitian lady who collected the money before I perfected the change machine? Well, yeah, she ran off with over 100 million dollars. I made off of your human waste. What? You say that's no big shit? I say it's more like projectile sphincter vomiting. I try not to put too fine a point on these things, and be too gross out of respect for your family and the Godfather and his family and all of the crews who have been made by the mob, and those unfortunates who have not.

I'm not saying that my pay stalls, open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week have any mob connections. But you do have to be aware that they are out there, and they want their piece of the pie (fully digested, in my case).

So for those of youse (or you, depending on your good or bad English) who need to use the bathroom this weekend, please try and hold as much as you can inside. I realize there will be some leakage. But that's part of the business that we have chosen, I hope you realize this. There is always going to be a little leakage, whether or not I keep the stalls open or closed.

I am, again, very sorry for any inconvenience to anyone because of my family obligations. On Monday, if there is anyone who has crapped in his pants, or peed in bed or elsewhere, I promise a half price ride on the roller-toilet.



Post a Comment

<< Home