And Michael Should......

If Letterman didn't have a top 10 list of things Michael Jackson should do now with his freedom, then he's too lazy for spit. I got it all, right here.

MJ will spend some time relaxing, then certainly some plastic surgery to correct the wrinkles caused by this latest flap, and then on to Paris to check out the French boys , and then right back home, where he'll need to sit down, be still, and take a real long look at his future. I have some suggestions:

1: Immediately cancel subscription to "Boy's Life".
2: From now on, when he sleeps with boys, he should sleep on his stomach.
3: Look elsewhere for gratification: Slurpies, pie, ping pong, different cheeses.
4:Let all the other boys he's holding prisoner in the dungeon go free.
5: Try girls. They have very nice things too.
6: Try not to act so gay. I mean it's ok with me. But at least cut back on the lipstick and rouge.
7: Don't blame Whitie so much. I'm white and I hate white people too. It's always been the white man who's held me down by his boot on my throat. But that's me. Maybe one day the embittered white males here will indeed embrace you. But be careful what you embrace.
8: Close the amusement park in your house. It brings around the wrong element. Young boys.
9: Like I said up there, ladies have so many fun things, that if you can cut that stuff out and learn to like women, you'll forget about all the good times you had with your boyfriends.
10: Try not to cry. It upsets me.

Now, Michael, I hope that in some small way, this list of 10 "to do's" will set you down the path of righteousness and good behavior and we can keep you out of trouble in the future.

Something tells me this is your last chance.

Joe