Miss America...There She Goes!
It is with a great deal of sadness that I report that the Miss America pageant, unable to find a home on one of the regular networks (no one watched it last year) is moving to cable, to the "Country Music Network"! She will die in a few years, run over by a train, after being released from prison, where she was not treated for her alcoholism. At least that would be in keeping with the cowgirl image Miss America will project once she's ridden around this rodeo circuit a few times.
It would be better if she went to radio, rather than the beer brawling hicksville of CMT. Not that I dislike country music. I've worked at country radio stations, and it is great music for suicides and rapists. And I do have a weakness for Hank, Jr. But tarting this grand old dame down to this one horse town just to keep her alive ain't worth the spit from an old saloon whore. Or thatabouts.
Once CMT starts running the pageant, they're going to make changes. The swimsuit competition will be replaced with skinny dippin' out by the cement pond. The winner of that will get a free barrel to wear for the rest of the show. Judging the girl's talents will consist of having Walter Brennan and Richard Boone slap them around for free drinks. Then in the final humiliation, the 10 who make it to the last round will dance on top of the poker table to the strains of "Camptown Ladies". The winner will be the one who doesn't get killed by one of the drunks from the cattle drive just out of town.
This will not be your mother's Miss America. What great institution will next go this route?
Lawrence Welk?
Joe
It would be better if she went to radio, rather than the beer brawling hicksville of CMT. Not that I dislike country music. I've worked at country radio stations, and it is great music for suicides and rapists. And I do have a weakness for Hank, Jr. But tarting this grand old dame down to this one horse town just to keep her alive ain't worth the spit from an old saloon whore. Or thatabouts.
Once CMT starts running the pageant, they're going to make changes. The swimsuit competition will be replaced with skinny dippin' out by the cement pond. The winner of that will get a free barrel to wear for the rest of the show. Judging the girl's talents will consist of having Walter Brennan and Richard Boone slap them around for free drinks. Then in the final humiliation, the 10 who make it to the last round will dance on top of the poker table to the strains of "Camptown Ladies". The winner will be the one who doesn't get killed by one of the drunks from the cattle drive just out of town.
This will not be your mother's Miss America. What great institution will next go this route?
Lawrence Welk?
Joe
posted by Mr. Liberty at 1:48 PM
2 Comments:
Wicked and wonderful as always, Joe. Glad I'm not in the pageant (or country music) business, or I might have to come a' gunnin' for ya!
Gitty up, Buttermilk, away!
:>)
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