Thank God I'm Alive!
I was almost killed in a pretzel related traffic accident this morning while pulling out of the 7/11 (damn them to hell, btw) parking lot. Not killed so much as really almost creamed by a car, broadside. Thankfully, I was only smudged, with a shmutz of chocolate from my donut alfrescoed on my lips.
I had just bought my breakfast, after finishing my paper route a little early. Whenever I do get it over with early, I enjoy throwing any extra papers I may have, hither and thither, over and yawn onto the porches of people who do not subscribe to the paper. Hopefully, one day, a young woman will respond to the paper clanking her screen door, and come out in one of those delightful nightys that Dorothy Lyman used to wear on "Mama's Family". Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
So I reached into my bag of sandwich, candy bar and pretzels as I drove out of the 7/11 lot. My eyes trained on the road, spying for oncoming traffic were diverted down to the bag where one of the pretzels had hooked itself onto one of the others. You know, like pretzels do. But this was different. I was driving. I know I should have stopped and unhooked the pretzels from each other. That would have been the safe thing. But I felt that my 30 plus years of driving would carry me as I attempted to untangle the pretzels and continue into the street.
That would have been the wise thing to do. But I was over confident. And therefore was nearly killed. Dig this:
OBITUARY
Joe Postove, of Norfolk, news boy for the Virginian Pilot was killed today as a car smashed into his while he was trying to untangle a couple of pretzels.
There will be no service because of his stupidity. Postove, 48, leaves a sandwich, bar of candy, double chocolate donut and an open bag of pretzels. Those wishing to honor his memory should watch out when they eat and drive.
The moral of this story?
When dining at 7/11, eat in the store. No matter how nasty the criminal clerks are. Over by the Slupie machine is a good place. It's good and sticky there, so your stuff won't slide away.
Joe
I had just bought my breakfast, after finishing my paper route a little early. Whenever I do get it over with early, I enjoy throwing any extra papers I may have, hither and thither, over and yawn onto the porches of people who do not subscribe to the paper. Hopefully, one day, a young woman will respond to the paper clanking her screen door, and come out in one of those delightful nightys that Dorothy Lyman used to wear on "Mama's Family". Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
So I reached into my bag of sandwich, candy bar and pretzels as I drove out of the 7/11 lot. My eyes trained on the road, spying for oncoming traffic were diverted down to the bag where one of the pretzels had hooked itself onto one of the others. You know, like pretzels do. But this was different. I was driving. I know I should have stopped and unhooked the pretzels from each other. That would have been the safe thing. But I felt that my 30 plus years of driving would carry me as I attempted to untangle the pretzels and continue into the street.
That would have been the wise thing to do. But I was over confident. And therefore was nearly killed. Dig this:
OBITUARY
Joe Postove, of Norfolk, news boy for the Virginian Pilot was killed today as a car smashed into his while he was trying to untangle a couple of pretzels.
There will be no service because of his stupidity. Postove, 48, leaves a sandwich, bar of candy, double chocolate donut and an open bag of pretzels. Those wishing to honor his memory should watch out when they eat and drive.
The moral of this story?
When dining at 7/11, eat in the store. No matter how nasty the criminal clerks are. Over by the Slupie machine is a good place. It's good and sticky there, so your stuff won't slide away.
Joe
posted by Mr. Liberty at 6:59 AM
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