Newspapers or Pies

Now that summer is over and the hotel business is falling off here at home, my newspaper route is taking a hit. Instead of the usual 700 or so papers I might deliver to the seven hotels that I serve, now I'm seeing 500 or so, and this of course means less money since I'm paid by the paper at the rate of 10 cents.

As I rocketed around with my trashcan full of papers this morning, it occurred to me that I may have to transition away from newspapers and incorporate some other type of service to money up my poor old pitiful wallet.

I ask you, the American people, what do you think about me rolling around a trashcan full of pies and hot coffee along with my regular newspapers and servicing the folks with a two-fer? That way they can get their early morning fix of information from the paper, and throat down a couple of my pies and coffee while they're at it?

I haven't worked out all of the particulars yet. Like where to bake the pies, who will bake them, how to pay for the ingredients, whether or not to make the coffee onsite or to percolate it in my van, using the cigarette lighter to heat everything up. I realize I haven't put as much thought into this as I should, and perhaps I should concentrate more on my idea to legalize prostitution in my apartment (ladies only...God Forbid!).

As we get closer to the Jewish Holidays (which this year I shall celebrate by standing up in Shul and proclaim Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior ....I like to fuck with my Jews) I want to come up with new ideas and schemes, to make money and retire early, so that I can watch more television in the middle of the night instead of delivering newspapers the rest of my life.

Or I could get a wife, and do that.

Joe