Saturday, February 19, 2011

Post To All Of My Readers!

As none of you have noticed, I haven't posted here (or peed in a 7/11 cup for that matter) for nearly a month. I have had some minor health issues; another skin cancer scare, it turned out that it is just the way it looks, and a loss of hearing presumably due to some extra ear wax I picked up from a prostitute in New Orleans. That's a lie, I have never been to New Orleans).

But the hearing loss is a real thing, sweety. The pressure and hearing loss got so bad last Monday that I went to the emergency room. The doctor there took the big hook that they use to decapitate patients to dig into my ear and get out lots of that dull waxy buildup we all so hate. Brace yourself....

MOTHERFUCKER! Yeewow! It was like an orgasm, except from the outside going in. I don't know what the ladies here would say about that, but that's how it felt. He twisted and turned that hook for about 15 minutes or so, and the pressure was alleviated and my hearing came back, some. MO...oh the hell, you know how I feel. Those of you men here who have had your dicks cut off in war or by accident in a slaughter-house know what I'm saying. They gave me some ear drops and referred me to an ENT. I thought they wanted me to go to the movies there for a minute until the sex nurse said that meant Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. Gee, I hope you aren't required to have all three wrong to ENTer his office. I see him next week. That is if I don't go blind before then. Anyone know an eyes doctor? We used to have one at my pay toilet downtown, to help people see the pot better, and not pee all over the ground, but he retired to a little village called Titusville. He is now a tit doctor.

So that's why I have been so neglect in my duties to my blog. I have just felt like hell, nervous that I might have another skin tag (thank God it was just extra skin, which really, is all to the good, no?) and now I am not feeling all that (you know..."all that" like in the story books) and have just been going home after work to wax my ears.

I'll be around, honey, so please check in from time to time. If I ain't here. Check the men's room. It needs painting.




Blogger phil said...

How are you? Hope all is well.

Well, goodnight. :)

8:09 PM  
Blogger Lil' Joey said...

Hey Phil! My hearing is much better, as is the pain (is that good? Better pain?) and I get to go to the vet one more time for more wax pulling.

I thought of selling my ear wax for taffy pulls, but I thought better of it. Taffy needs all the help it can get.

At first I thought it was Johnson Wax, but it was not. I checked my johnson before I checked my ears, and she was ok.

Be good!

Lil' Joey

8:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joey--you're a card! You're ALL THAT, as they say. I would say, you're all that and a bag of chips--but HEY--where did you go? Haven't heard!! Call me.


12:56 AM  
Blogger Lil' Joey said...

I thought you gave up on me (as has the world and all of the things in it) but no! Here you are, bright and ready to take me on (have I gone too far?) and reconvolsulate our relationship again (I've been listening to a lot of Amos And Andy lately).

I love you lady. My long distance is 9 cents a minute (money grubbing M***&(^&%^$S) but I'll call if you can call me back. Or I can write you a note and throw it into a bottle, and cross my little fingers and toes, and wish that Jack Benny were still alive.

I'm still alive. Glad you are too, babe!



9:35 AM  

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