Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Horrible Wretched Cold...And My Birthday

I was driving through the tunnel to get to the next town over this morning on my appointed rounds, and I was so roughed up from the "feels like" eight degree cold and the nice warm van (I turned the heat all the way up...probably to 100) that I couldn't see straight. Sideways, I was alright. But straight seeing, I was all fouled up.

I want it to be warmer. Dear God, as we approach the birthday of your son, please consider Norfolk, Virginia as deserving of more heat, especially when I go to work, and also so that when I go through the tunnel I can see straight ahead, as sideways looking would only make me hit the wall, and the man in the tunnel that waves to me whenever I go through, would have to scrape me off of the sides, and this would make him unhappy.

Norfolk is a southern town, Lord. So when you are adjusting the universal thermostat, please have Jesus set us on 72 degrees. I realize that many of my fellow Jews are in Miami, but we little Jews in Norfolk need your Good and Godly help.

Say...Lord, is Moses still alive in Heaven? And when Santa flies right over my house again this year, please inform him, that Jews have feelings too.
If just a card, we would feel that the Christian fellows who run the world and universe haven't forgotten that good old Jesus was a Heeb.

God Bless.

My birthday is this Friday. I'll be 39 (Christ! My hands won't let me lie to God...OK, I'll be 54. But I look 39. Let's just say I'm 39, just for fun.) I would like a new computer, some cash (small bills), a new TV set, and a big block of cheese. Oh, how I love cheese. I could suck it right out of the cow, and shake it up inside me, and I'm a cheeseman! Also, peace on earth, and goodwill toward men (and girls between 18 and 60 with big tits).

I'll write Santa for my Christmas goodies. I hope you'll take care of my birthday list.

Thanks, Lord.

Joey In Norfolk


Blogger phil said...

Happy Birthday, Joe!

54!? Hey, that's pretty good. Did you know Ernest Hemingway survived 2 plane crashes within days of each other when he was 54? A Good Spirit must've been looking out for him. Or, my theory is..it was the 'spirits' in a bottle that he carried on board. :)
He writes about both crashes in a short story called 'The Christmas Gift.' It's the last story in the collection of his articles called 'Byline:E Hemingway.'
Worth a look.

And Merry Christmas, Pal!

And keep watching the sky!

4:52 PM  
Blogger Mr. Liberty said...

Thanks, my most loyal servant. I wish you were a man with a big bag of money. Then maybe you would leave it on my porch.

You're a pal, Phil!

Lil' Joey

9:02 AM  

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