Meat Tenderizering Company To Close!
Lloyd E. Rigler, an entrepreneur and philanthropist who made his fortune selling Adolph's Meat Tenderizer announced today that he would be closing the company saying "all meat has been tenderized, our work here is done".
Meat advocates around the world immediately protested this action, saying that there was much more tough meat out there, much more than even the folks at Adolph's Tenderizer Company knew about.
They say there is tough meat, mostly in the outlying areas, where cattle tend to drink too much. In fact, according to sources, meat is tougher than ever, especially for those with false teeth.
Mr.Rigler realized early on that meat would have to be tenderized. He invented a meat tenderizing system that pulled the meat through a house on choo choo trains filled with candy corn, ginger ale and pie hats, feeling that if these ingredients could not tenderize the meat, nothing could. Indeed, he was successful on this small level and then proceeded to spread the new "Adolph's Meat Tenderizer" throughout the nation (except Oklahoma where meat tenderizing is a crime) and soon became worth over $10,000.
Interestingly "Adolph's Meat Tenderizer" was originally call "Hitler's Meat Tenderizer", but this name was changed during World War Two.
Even though "Adolph's Meat Tenderizer" has been pulled from the market (by numerous choo choo trains set up by Mr. Rigler to make sure that all the Meat Tenderizer was taken away with verve) most meat critics in New York and Chicago believe that it won't be long until another Meat Tenderizer comes along, as most people will never be satisfied with the tenderness of their own meat.
jp
Meat advocates around the world immediately protested this action, saying that there was much more tough meat out there, much more than even the folks at Adolph's Tenderizer Company knew about.
They say there is tough meat, mostly in the outlying areas, where cattle tend to drink too much. In fact, according to sources, meat is tougher than ever, especially for those with false teeth.
Mr.Rigler realized early on that meat would have to be tenderized. He invented a meat tenderizing system that pulled the meat through a house on choo choo trains filled with candy corn, ginger ale and pie hats, feeling that if these ingredients could not tenderize the meat, nothing could. Indeed, he was successful on this small level and then proceeded to spread the new "Adolph's Meat Tenderizer" throughout the nation (except Oklahoma where meat tenderizing is a crime) and soon became worth over $10,000.
Interestingly "Adolph's Meat Tenderizer" was originally call "Hitler's Meat Tenderizer", but this name was changed during World War Two.
Even though "Adolph's Meat Tenderizer" has been pulled from the market (by numerous choo choo trains set up by Mr. Rigler to make sure that all the Meat Tenderizer was taken away with verve) most meat critics in New York and Chicago believe that it won't be long until another Meat Tenderizer comes along, as most people will never be satisfied with the tenderness of their own meat.
jp
posted by Mr. Liberty at 8:29 PM
3 Comments:
dear mr. liberty;
I believe you inadvertently omitted the word 'never' in Mr. Rigler's statement. He said 'butt our work here is NEVER done'.
Since his relocation to Pearly Gates Estates, concurrent techniological advances made it practical to outsource his meat tenderizing enterprise.
He was able to secure good staff at a fraction of the cost of the choice and prime help he left behind.
Earthbound lovers of
Adolph's need have no fear they will have to do without, since fedex has overnight service to Pearly Gates Enteprise Park.
Mr. Rigler's many admirers will be glad to know that he recently negotiated a long term lease on the latest model Rolls-cumulus Silver Cloud, complete with voice command, wifi, all-band video reception etc. in spite of all the gadgets, he has already run off the highway in the sky twice, which necessitated summoning Seraphim road service. it took all 24 wings flapping at top speed to right the Silver Cloud. Cherub gossip says he didn't get a ticket because the Boss' mother loves his tv show.
If you have further questions, Mr. Rigler's address is filletforall@pearlygates.net
thank you for your interest.
ps-if you want to make that fortune so you can ditch the paper route, drive a Rolls, and be bragged on at the High Holy days dinner, you'd be well-advised
to stop snickering long enough to take a serious look at how Rigler did it!!!! In the meantime, if you're up in the middle of the night, you can always watch Classic Arts Showcase.
I agree with everything you said.
Thanks for posting to my blog.
There has been a report of tough meat in Burma, but the authoities there will not allow any tendermen in.
I would like to give out that paper route. Last night a lady kicked me out of her room (where I had knocked ever to slightly to collect my dime)because I asked her to try on a couple of ice buckets. To see how well and nice they fit.
She hit me too.
joe
Try a little of this on your ladies outer vagina and see if she doesn't become excited. If nothing else she will certainly taste better.
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