Catch Phrases For 2006!

My annual gift to the world is to help humanity become better at...well, whatever the hell they want. I actually have very little to do with humanity. I don't like them much, the bastards have always kept me down.

However, I do like to add new catch phrases to our common lexicon, and this year is no different. Except for different phrases, a different year, and also this is the first time I've offered this up to you.

So, get what you can out of it, because I'm not too happy with you, anyway. You all didn't appreciate me last year as much as I calculated you should. But, listen. You ain't perfect. God knows.

NEW CATCH PHRASES FOR 2006 BY JOE POSTOVE-not copyrighted

1: These chocolates are making me horny!
2: All you bastards are stealing my lunch!
3: These shoes are making my feet itch!
4: You can drive my car, but only the brake!
5: These nudists are making me blind!
6: These pretzels are making me thirsty! (stolen from Seinfeld without permission)
7: These chunks of stool are crowding my toilet!
8: The butter on my bread has shoe polish mixed into it!
9: The mohel has cut off too much!
10: These Jews Harp's are making me Orthodox!

Enjoy my catch phrases, and be sure to join me back here next year, when I parade around in my new rain hat.

Joe