Do The Shake

In a stunning rebuke to conventional penis thinking, The American House Of Medicine has issued a report on men's urinating. According to the report, nearly half of all men who pee, do not empty their bladder sufficiently enough to avoid coming back to the men's room for another round, or even more importantly, wait until they're in their trucks and still need to go and pee and do so in the Big Gulp cup.

Doctors say the solution would be for more men to practice "the shake", waving the penis wildly around the men's room, hither and yon, with great abandonment of proper etiquette and good taste. If questioned by the authorities, men are advised to say "it just got away from me, and I was trying to put it back in".

Medical groups agree, that with more shaking of the penis, more urine would come out, and men would find less need to go back to the urinal. This doesn't work as well with #2.

Joe Postove

And A Happy Thanksgiving To You! IN JAIL!

Well, maybe you don't need to go to jail to have a happy Thanksgiving, but I was feeling quite Mr. Potterish today, as the GD season of peace and love creeps into my butt.

I'm not anti-Thanksgiving. But I ain't thankful for anything this year. Not a blessed thing. I blame God, and he doesn't even celebrate Fat Thursday. So you go your way, and I'll go mine, and you celebrate F-sgiving in your way and I'll in mine.

The little bit of relatives who say they love me have escaped Norfolk for regions south and north, just so I can't get there. So I'll be alone tomorrow, sleep till 12, eat a twinkie for breakfast, and then I'll have my own little feast, here, in my apartment across from the gas station.

I'll start with a can of gravy. I'll pour it over (at room temperature) a turkey sandwich from 7/11, have a Diet Coke and go to sleep.

Fuck your football too.

If I sound sad or harsh, it's because I've had it with so called friends and relatives who "love" you (I love you...kiss kiss) that I wanna throw a fat Turkey sandwich (with potato chips) down the gullet of one or more of them and see how they feel about F-sgiving.

So enjoy the day. And buy some of that shit on Friday.

I love to see people waste their money.

Joe Postove

Writer's Reject New Hot Dog Offer

Despite a new offer of cut up hot dogs in tomato soup for lunch, the writer's guild decided today to continue their strike. Bud "Honey" Redspeth said late last night after negotiating for nearly an hour with producers, "all of the writers love hot dog soup. In fact, I myself have cut up hot dogs into little tiny pieces, pieces that you could hardly see, and added them to tomato soup. That way you get the flavor of the hot dogs, but don't have to worry about the little pieces slipping out of your mouth when you eat, but this is not enough for us to come back".

There have been rumours that some writers may return under certain conditions, even if the strike is not settled. Some are asking to be allowed to put their heads under the Slurpie machine at the 7/11 across the street, other small groups want free access to the toilet, without paying for extras like rectal specialists to determine how much they owe depending on what they made.

As the strike enters its fourth week, some of the writers and producers had to go home, because the toilets at Burbank have been closed. Some have gone to the gas station across the street. But the guy makes you drink your entire soda right there before you can get your deposit back, so some writers have asked the International Brotherhood Of Artificial Bladder Makers (IBABM) to help out.

Joe Postove

Three Years

Three years ago today, our Mother died. The most beautiful woman I will ever know, left us for this time.

I present this in her memory, with all of my love.

http://www.cascadiapublishinghouse.com/dsm/spring05/postjo.htm

joey

Mexican TV Writers Brought In To Break Strike!

Entertainment writers who struck Hollywood on Monday, now have another foe besides the producers and extreme poverty to contend with. Boatloads of Mexican TV writer's have been ferried in from south of the border to help break the strike.

Although most of the Mexicans cannot speak english, producers of drama and comedy shows will allow them to reproduce for the American audience what they have done for Mexican television. This includes game shows with piñata's, documentaries on how to swallow drugs and transport them across the border, explicit sex shows with verve, and perhaps the most popular form of Mexican TV, hand puppets.

NBC executive, Michael Plotz said today that once the US TV viewers get used to the Mexican writers, the networks will then send spanish to english dictionaries to every household in America, cross their fingers, close their eyes, and perhaps die a slow death.

The Mexican writers are expected to start work as soon as a Mexican hat can be found and they can dance around the picket lines into the former writer's cubicles. Meanwhile, many of the striking writers (who actually are not that striking) will return to male prostitution, their former profession.

Joe Postove

Cha Cha Cha

How many times have you been listening to your favorite oldies or classic rock station, humming along with the song, and at the end of the tune feel compelled to sing "cha cha cha"?

So...would that song be a "cha cha" song and not a rock and roll song, or could it be both?

Or is cha cha just applicable to dancing and keeping time (which would differentiate it from strict rock...no?)

I woke up early this morning. I have the time to think about these things.

Now...to the world!

Joe