Short Men More Prone To Suicide?

There was a report on the CBS Evening News tonight about how short men may be more prone to suicide than longer men. This is understandable from a number of vantage points. First, when the man kicks the chair out from under him, a short man's legs, being fat and stubby, will tend to pull the rope tighter around the neck, thus cutting hangtime in half.

Also short men tend to fret so much about their shortness and fretting leads to worry lines, which in turn cause deep wrinkles, which a short man, usually being poorer than a long man, doesn't have the money for plastic surgery to correct.

It is true that short and long men tend to have the same size heads and bullets would pierce them about the same, but short men have smaller brains which enable the bullet to dominate more once shot into, thus causing death about five minutes earlier.

Not all short men are suicidal, however. I myself am only about 5 feet, 8 1/2 inches tall. But I have a nice paper route, have good table manners, don't lick ladies on the first date, have a pretty nice rear end, like Jack Benny, and would kill a communist for fun if I had to defend my country from Cuba or North Korea. So I'm pretty safe from the bugga-boo of self immolation or other kinds of death at my own hand.

I do the best I can with the little I have to work with.

Joe Postove