Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Adjudication Of The Case Of Tiger Woods

First thing. As much as Tiger Wood's apology to the Universe and everything in it yesterday was heartfelt (If I had a TV, I might have almost cried), perspective must rule the blog.

He's a golfer. Not a real big guy like Bill Clinton, who we all got into that mess with 10 years ago or so, but an "athlete" who has amassed a billion dollars so far. But he needed to explain his situation, and we the people, plotzed down in our chairs and watched the spectacle for what it was.

What was that now? More men cheat on their wives than their golf games, and are none the worse for it. And many of them value their golf games more than they do Mrs. Ball and Chain back home. Look it up. It's in the Talmud, somewhere in the middle. Goodie.

As I ride around town dropping off auto parts, I hear many of the garage men say they have turned off all of the bad news of the CNN's, et al, and after supper turn on ESPN and drift off to sleep, having given up what Tiger seemingly so much enjoyed. But TIGER WOOD'S marital situation? We need a channel for that it seems.

I realize he invoked The Buddha, and this must seem to him to have some influence in getting forgiveness from the world of monks who follow golf.

The man has a billion, a beautiful wife, he's still young and lovable (though I don't love him that much...never did) and he's asking us, the people, to forgive him. I have a really nice abacus and it computes really well (it's a 1467 model, I found it under my tree downtown) and I don't think we the wee people are really worried about Tiger.

Lord....We little'uns just want to get by, pay our rent, have enough food, a roof, and all the other stuff that keeps us alive like maybe some of those women that he's gonna have to ditch, may I suggest that? We ain't got time, Lord, to worry too much about Tiger. I know that some of you (I hope there are some of you reading me today, huh?) will post websites, billboards, match covers and all kinds of communications (did I forget semaphores?) to help save Tiger.

Forget about all that. We need you in our defense plants, pay toilets, pinball machine mechanics, houses of prostitution, houses of non-prostitution, and candy stores with a counter that serves breakfast 24 hours a day, and other vital jobs during wartime to allow too much effort expended to forgive and make up with Tiger (and if history is any lesson, he'll kiss and make up with you, if you're a sweet broad...but that's for another session). We need to get our country back on its axis, steer the course straight, kick out lots of politicians this year and in 2012. We just have too much to do to get Tiger back upright.

I think he should take a year or five, romance his wife like he did before he got her to marry him, get down on his knees like the dog that he is (oh sorry, that was from another posting...scratch that please) and beg his wife for another chance.

Leave us out of it. Besides let's save the good stuff for our President (I know that some of you prefer to call him "Dear Leader") when he has his sex scandal.

Then we got some meat.

Joe Postove







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